Loss and Comfort
by bri1216
Summary: Merlin's mother dies. His friends try to console him. Onshot; NO slash
Gaius sighed and ran a weary hand over his tired face. This was not good news. He had just received a letter from Ealdor informing him of Hunith's death and was unsure of how to break the news to Merlin. He still wasn't over the death of his childhood friend, Will, and now his mother? The poor boy was going to be crushed and Gaius didn't want to be the one to cause it.

He folded the note and tucked it inside his robes, having decided whether or not to tell Merlin based on his state of mind when he returned home. He was currently gathering ingredients for a salve Gaius needed to replenish. If he was happy, he would hold off on the tragic news.

In the meantime, Gaius headed to the Prince's chambers to let him know that Merlin may need a few days off to cope. He rapped lightly on Arthur's door three times. The young blonde swung the door open, straightening the shirt he had obviously just pulled over his head.

"Gaius, this is a surprise. I was just going to have supper." He looked behind the older man, confused. "Is something the matter?"

"I'm afraid so, Sire." he handed him the letter. "It's Merlin's mother. It seems a horrible sickness took her before a physician could get to the village to help her."

"Oh, no." Arthur pulled a hand through his hair and sat on his bed. "Does Merlin know? Is he alright?"

"He doesn't know yet. He is running errands for me and I just received the news. He may need a few days off, Sire."

"Of course, of course." Arthur grimaced and shook his head sadly. "Tell him he can have all the time that he needs."

"Yes, sir." Gaius patted Arthur on the should as he turned to leave. "You're a good boy- er, man, Arthur."

Upon returning to his lab, Gaius found Merlin neatly putting away various herbs. Merlin glanced towards the door and nodded in acknowledgment to his mentor.

"Gaius, I found everything but the kingsfoil leaf. I will have to go to the outskirts of the kingdom for that, perhaps tomorrow."

"That's fine, my boy. Thank you." he was testing Merlin's mood. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving. But before I can eat I have to ready Arthur's clothes for tomorrow and make sure he is right for bed." he smirked and shook his head. "Kind of sounds like I am speaking of a toddler, doesn't it?"

Gaius faked a smile; now was not the right time to tell him. Merlin seems in good spirits for the first time in weeks. "I will ready your supper."

"Merlin." Arthur was surprised to find his servant in his chambers, polishing his boots. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. Shouldn't I be?" he raised an eyebrow at Arthur as his placed his boots at the foot of the bed.

"Gaius suggested you would take some time off." He removed his belt and scabbard and hung them near the door. "Are you sure you are ok?"

"Time off?" Merlin stood and shrugged. "Why would I need that?"

"He hasn't told you?" Arthur sighed and shook his head. "It is not my place, Merlin. I'm sorry." He gently put a hand on his servant's shoulder and guided him to the door. "Please, speak with Gaius." Merlin's brows knitted with worry as he turned to leave. "And Merlin, please let me know if you need anything."

Those words were enough to send Merlin dashing towards Gaius's chambers. Arthur was never that nice to him unless something was horribly wrong. "Gaius!" he burst through the door, out of breath and chest heaving. "What is it? What has happened?"

Gaius stood and led Merlin to a chair. "Here, have something to eat."

"No, Gaius, Arthur is acting strangely and he said I needed time off. So what is wrong?"

Gaius sighed and pulled the note out, giving Merlin a few moments to read it. "Merlin, I am so sorry." he put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"No..." Merlin shook his head and he felt tears collect on his lashes. "This is a mistake, it isn't true." he let out a choked sob. "Gaius, tell me this is a mistake!"

Gaius shook his head and pulled Merlin into his chest. Merlin resisted and stood up abruptly. "No, no no..." he ran towards the door and out of the room.

"Merlin!" Gaius called after him but decided to let him be. Perhaps he needed some time alone to mourn.

He had no idea where he was going, but he had to get away. He felt like the walls were closing in around him, like he was suffocating. He ran into someone, a tray of food and wine clattering to the floor.

"Merlin?" Gwen looked at her soaking bodice and the mess around her before she saw the warlock. She gasped slightly when she noticed the tears streaming down his face. "Merlin, what is it?" She reached a hand to him.

He stood and shook his head. "S-sorry. I'm so sorry." He took off again, leaving Gwen's mouth agape and her dinner on the floor.

As soon as Merlin got outside, he dropped to his knees and heaved, bile burning his throat. Fortunately he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, so very little came out. He took deep breaths, willing himself to calm down.

It was dark now, the courtyard was quiet, save for a few people who gave him odd looks like he had just had too much to drink. Merlin could hear shouts and laughter coming from the tavern. He needed a distraction, but mead would end up doing more harm than good.

He stood up and just started walking. He tried to think about anything other than his current emotions and grief. He started reciting simple spells in his head, but after an accidental spark shot from his shaking fingertips, moved to counting the stones that formed the castle walls. He had no idea how long he counted or where his legs were taking him.

Arthur woke to see a figure moving in the dark. Sitting up hastily, he reached for his sword. "Who goes there?" He squinted in the poor light. "Show yourself!"

"2,837; 2,838; 2,839." whispered a familiar voice.

"Merlin?" Arthur released the hilt of the blade and moved to stand.

"2,840; 2,841-"

"Merlin!" he said, more firmly.

The lanky man stopped and shook his head, looking confusedly at the Prince. "A-Arthur?"

"Merlin, it's the middle of the night. What on _earth_ are you doing?"

"Counting stones." He glanced down sheepishly. "I don't know why...I needed to calm down." he looked to the blonde and instantly regretted it as he saw concern etched across his face. "I'll just be going now."

"Merlin, come sit down." Arthur motioned to the end of his bed.

"It's alright." Merlin moved towards the door. "I' fine."

"Sit." Arthur commanded. "Now." He moved his legs out of the blankets to make more room. He sighed audibly when Merlin, instead, sat on the floor, leaning against the bed-frame. The raven-haired boy folded into himself, pulling his legs up to his chest and hugging them tightly.

"I'm sorry, Merlin." He watched his servant tense and his shoulders hitched slightly.

It was quiet for a few moments. "She was everything I had." he whispered so softly that Arthur strained to hear him. "I'm all alone now."

The Prince swung his legs over the bed and kneeled in front of the younger boy. His chest tightened in an automatic response to the unshed tears he saw in Merlin's eyes, gleaming brightly in the moonlight. "You are not alone. You have people who care about you here in Camelot. Gaius, Gwen," he put a hand gently on Merlin's elbow, catching his eye. "Me."

Merlin released a long, ragged breath. "Having you around is supposed to make me feel better?" He offered a half-hearted, watery smile.

Arthur rolled his eyes and squeezed the bony arm still in his hand. He was appreciative of Merlin's efforts to lighten the mood, but he also knew that Merlin needed the okay to grieve right now. He shifted so he was sitting side-by-side with him, their shoulders and knees touching, but only just. He could feel Merlin shaking as his attempted to keep his composure.

"I should have been there." his voice was low and thick, laced with raw emotion. "I could have saved her."

"No, Merlin. You can't think like that."

"You don't know! I could have done-" he stopped himself, suddenly, before revealing too much. Choking back a sob, a few tears betrayed him and escaped down his pallor cheeks.

Without hesitation, Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin's shoulder and gently drew his servant, no, his friend, into his embrace. Merlin resisted at first, attempting to pull away, but Arthur held strong.

"It's alright, Merlin." he whispered into the dark mop of hair now brushing his face. "I'm here." He felt Merlin go slack in his arms as a strong, shuttered sob wracked his thin frame. "I've got you."He rubbed circles into Merlin's back and shoulders with one hand, while gently massaging his neck with the other. Merlin fisted his hands tightly into Arthur's tunic, and he winced when he pinched his skin, but never once did Arthur loosen his hold until it was Merlin who pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Sire." Merlin's cries had lessened, though he still occasionally hiccuped a quiet sob. He ran a hand over his tear-stained face and tried to get rid of any evidence of the breakdown. Arthur's left arm remained slung across Merlin's shoulders and he continued to rub his arm gingerly with his thumb as he waited for his friend to fully regain a more calm disposition.

"Do not apologize, Merlin. It is only proper to grieve for one's mother."

Merlin nodded and sniffled loudly. "Is it alright if I go to Ealdor to get her affairs in order?" He glanced at Arthur warily. "Maybe borrow a horse?"

Arthur pulled away and shook his head. "Now, Merlin, you know you can't do that. A few days off is one thing, but to leave the kingdom entirely, _and_ to take a horse? That the King simply will not allow."

Merlin ducked his head and and released a shallow breath. "Of- of course."

"Unless of course," Arthur took Merlin's chin and forced him to look up at him, "the Prince has a quest there and you must accompany him." Fresh tears sprung into Merlin's eyes and he smiled gratefully. "I don't want you to feel alone. Plus, if only you went, I may lose a good horse." he ruffled Merlin's hair lightly, "Or a good friend."

"Thank you, Arthur." Merlin mumbled as he wiped his sapphire eyes.

"Come on, then." Arthur stood, brushing off his pants and holding out a hand to pull Merlin up. "Best get some rest. Early start tomorrow." He helped Merlin straighten his own clothes as they had wrinkled rather badly, and patted his shoulder. "No need to wake Gaius, there is a bedroll in the wardrobe if you'd like to just stay here." He wanted Merlin to know that he wasn't going to make him leave, and that he would be there as long as Merlin wanted him.

Merlin nodded and fetched the cot, unrolling it as Arthur climbed back into his own bed. He felt the exhaustion begin to seep into him and collapsed into the pad. "Arthur-"

"Hm?" the Prince moaned sleepily.

"Sometimes you're not such an arrogant prat." Merlin felt a pillow slam onto his head (as he had hoped) and grabbed it, stuffing it beneath him and sinking into it.

"Shut up, Merlin."


End file.
